so tired...

random thought:
i really try not to judge people or assume things about others... and a lot of times i make statements and look back on them and think 'whoah. i shouldn't have said anything, because that doesn't sound like i thought... that looks like judging... was i? should have elaborated...'
i do stuff like that all the time, i slip up, say things wrong, don't say/type a complete thought and leave half of it in my head, say what i don't mean, heck, i once asked for a refrigerator when i wanted to be handed a notebook!
yet i have a lot of opinions about how people are, lot of the feeling perceiving side... too much observing life i suppose...
i suppose that it's only when you hold people to those opinions that it turns to judging...
we were learning about that in intercultural communications today, having stereotypes and being able to now apply them. similar concept. we also got into having opinions on other and judging them, suppose that's where this tangent came from.
i remember the other day someone was pressing my opinion for something... my judgement on it all... and then they weren't willing to accept that i hadn't the knowledge to make a firm assessment...?
i'm sorry that i'm not giving a concrete opinion on something i don't know much about...?
that's why i may be fascinated with politics, but there's so much that i can just have mild opinions. i'm not a source, i'm not someone to go to when you want to know what to believe. heck, i knew more in 7th grade than i do now about what's going on politically.
and of course, then there's people that judge on simple statements and stop listening there...
like my friend that's catholic.
when she told me she was catholic i asked her more about what she believed, tried to get a good angle on what she believed so i would know what to think.
suppose i'm not talking about judging, but just what i think about things. what others think about things.
at anyrate, a lot of people would have just stopped with her saying 'i'm catholic' and judged her right there.
i try to know more, or if i don't ask questions just observe more.
i tyr not to assume, sometimes it's difficult...
suppose i mess up so much i give others the benefit of a doubt, even if i'm still somewhat in the 'everyone is perfect, i'm not' mindset. (but it's leaving! the more people i have as friends the more i can see that people mess up. okay, i always knew that, can't observe life without noticing that. but the more i realize that i'm not the 'queen of catastrophe' per say...? kind of...? another reason to give others the benefit of a doubt- my inability to get thought into word.)
just i mess up... so they probably do aswell... say things they realize they put wrong, were misinformed about, just couldn't word right, etc.
hopefully if i ask or watch for elaboration i'll understand what they're getting at and where they're coming from...
i'm not perfect and i shouldn't expect others to be... (and yeti put myself in a place where others are perfect and i'm not. oxymoron for the win!)

...
O_O
the typo of omitting the space between 'yet' and 'i' make the YETI.
this is pure awesomeness.

and back to my catholic friend, it's nice to have a girly friend that doesn't hold me to girlyness and doesn't jump out of her skin when i am girly. which i wasn't quite... but it was odd saying 'i like this dress' and not being pounced on... thankfully most of my friends are past that point... i don't get to see them much anyhow...

you know... that really didn't help back when i was finally trying to wear clothes that fit me, trying to actually look like a girl of sorts or rather just wearing stuff that fit as opposed to wranglers and over-sized john deere shirts with frizzy hair i didn't take care of and glasses to hide behind. what friends i did have were all 'LINDSAY IS BEING GIRLY!' or 'LINDSAY WANTS TO GET LOTION FROM BATH AND BODY WORKS?' just making a big deal of it all... and me and the center of attention, well... yeah. and it almost seemed a bad thing to have any girlyness as they'd laugh at it... really hard to explain it all... couldn't they have acknowledged me changing without the huge ordeal? of course mom thought i was going goth (...?) and she wasn't even sure that i was a christian at that point...? i was changing for the better, starting to live and care about myself a bit and she didn't like it a bit, thought i was going out of control even though i wasn't breaking any rules... i was just changing so fast she was scared, i think she said. i did grow so much my sophomore year... was my transitioning from not being me to figuring out who i was, did so much growing up... not maturity wise, but rather finally being me.
haha, i grew into myself so much that year... the year before was so dark... but then after that, though it was still hard, i had life... my own life...
and Lord, i can't thank You enough for that.


this post hadn't much point...
at anyrate...
tired...
i shouldn't get to bed this late...
really shouldn't...