in a hotel hanging out with the rest of the jazz ensemble girls is fun, i don't get to just hang out with friends much... it was a nice evening.
there is a large whirlpool tub in the rooms! WIN.
however it's one of those that are open to the room... not win.
i used it when the other two girls staying in this room were in the other room...
nice to relax even for a short while...
and now i'm sitting with my laptop listening to jack johnson... 'no other way' ^_^
calm music...
...except the smoke detector goes off once a minute...
needs a battery, and no one is at the front desk.
didn't play aswell today... not terrible... but i felt kinda dead... yet i was still fairly confident in my playing, a lot of me being off had to do with the dead acoustics in the room we were in, things didn't quite melt together...
the bus ride was better... i had my own seat... switched to the back of the bus to save one of the girls from a guy that likes her. he was sulking all day... and there's another guy that a girl thinks likes her. neither girl likes the guy. fun times... just glad i'm able to steer free of such situations! not many people have liked me like that in my lifetime. maybe two. oh, and an akward guy when i was a freshman in HS. and a bi-guy at camp... that was odd...
i did have pathetic thoughts and memories, yet i'm starting to be able to forget them even if it will take me a while to get over it all and make sure all feelings are correctly disposed of.
i thin i've taken to killing them slowly as opposed to making them whimper away.
less painful and more time-induced.
maybe not less painful.
but more pain yet strung out...?
it was a beautiful day today, air felt perfect... wish i could have been outside all day... or now...
i'll have to drag one of my friends on a walk sometime when school starts, basketball is over, she may have time to spare...
wonder how many people really notice the air out there... how many really look at the sky and get lost in it, close their eyes with the sun on their face and wind swirling about them... it feels wonderful.
i'll wager more appreciate it then i give credit for, yet i suppose it's like my friends that i try to look at the stars. an 'oh, that's nice' moment as opposed to wonder and enthrallment...? i suppose it's the difference in those that see nature with their 'eyes' and those that see with their 'understandings' and 'hearts'
i know people that would lay on a breezy hill in the grass watching the clouds roll by and go 'oh this is great! this is fantastic! i can't believe i'm doing this! look at that could! look at...'
i'm not sure that's really appreciating it.
perhaps i'm just thinking that because i couldn't really absorb and appreciate it all that way... you have to feel it...
in fall walking from building to building on campus, with the rain... you feel so alive. you step outside, see the blazing colors the leaves give us before they die and float away in the wind, close your eyes and feel the breeze, breathe the clean air in deeply... smile at God and thank Him for the weather, and walk on, kicking leaves and watching them fly into the air and dance along the sidewalk. you skip along with a jack johnson song in mind, giving a wry smile to God for him making you to such that you amuse Him so.
God enjoys creation.
He enjoys the earth.
and then He makes people like me that enjoy it in such a way that He can't help but smile.
however what he's created also pains Him...
there's no telling God that He wouldn't understand, your hurt hurts Him deeply...
His creation hurts Him deeply...
He probably hurts with all of the insults i manage to throw at myself...
*sigh*
it takes a while for your perception to shift.
...and i can't enjoy nature in that manner if other people are around... maybe kind of inwardly... but not quite fully, unless you're insanely priveledged (no one has really reached that point yet) i slip up, or you just catch me off guard (in which case i'll jump) or if you see me and i thought i was by myself. (a friend once saw me take a flying leap into a pile of leaves, roll around in them, throw them in the air, watch them fly in the wind, and then walk on as if nothing had happened. haha, love that tree on campus...)
haha, my name means 'linden tree by the sea'
fitting...
linden is another name for 'tilia' which is a sturdy tree with heart-shaped leaves.
funfact: a hockey player named Ted Lindsay played for the red wings, his jersey is retired, so 'Lindsay, 7' with the years he played for the wings is hanging up in in the arena where the red wings play.
*reads more*
haha, he has his own statue in the arena... Lindsay name win!
at anyrate... it is indeed late...
goodnight moon...
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