cynical clarity

alt. title options: opened scabs and scars he wouldn't be able to take anyway.
odd, i thought those wounds from years ago were healed.

so the guy that dated me?
oh, he got over me alright, he went back to his old girlfriend, strenghtening my position as a freakin' foot hold.
nice to know i have little enough value to the world that he can get over me so fast.
did he want a new relationship or a break in his old one?
he says he's sorry.
ha.
should have known.
...i did actually.
i'm always right.
and knew this would happen.


i'm not an enigma or whatever he said, i'm a cheap crossword puzzle.
left on the subway with coffee rings smudging the letters.

he thought waiting a week to tell me would be good for me.
HA.
no.
really, he has no say in any part of my life and what's best for me, i have none in his. 


haha, Lord, remember when i would talk to the constellations?
on my really bad days?
they were friends You put there for me...
well, i was talking to Orion the other day and i'm pretty sure You have to watch out or the guy that stabbed me in the back out may not wake up tomorrow. or if he does, which i suppose stars are 'bright' he just might, it shan't be pleasant. just keep Orion in place for now, alright? tell him to simmer down...
or not, it's up to You.

on the upside, if i ever date anyone again it will be 'hi! i'm lindsay and i'm easy to get over. you could be going out with your ex less than a month after you crush me under your heel! in fact, you'll be over me in a matter of days because you were never really over your ex in the first place.'

it almost helps that he's going out with his ex.
because it helps me feel that i never mattered in the first place.

...and i quite like that.


better to think i never mattered than to realize a character fault that deep in a 'friend'

if i didn't like the guy that much why did i just throw up...
hmm.
the world may never know.