Life is so much simpler when you keep moving and never stop to look around.
...however while this is true, simpler does not equal better.
...and with that, I shan't elaborate.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
...I'm not sure that I've ever had, by my standards, a deep conversation.
-later-
*ellaboration
I feel everything behind a statement I make, therefore I realize more than words when I converse with myself. Sometimes this seems deep. In contrast, when others speak, all I have are words with a many faceted perception (or several) giving me ideas on where it comes from. In addition, they don't really get me. I've been pegged and understood a couple of times, yet never in a more than surface conversation.
Hmm.
Mayhaps I have had one or two half-deep talks...
Yet this is only said because I know I was reaching in and realizing it all.
Who knows what the other person thought I was blathering about.
...case and point:
when talking to myself I don't have to elaborate.
so why the heck am I elaborating now?
...
-later-
*ellaboration
I feel everything behind a statement I make, therefore I realize more than words when I converse with myself. Sometimes this seems deep. In contrast, when others speak, all I have are words with a many faceted perception (or several) giving me ideas on where it comes from. In addition, they don't really get me. I've been pegged and understood a couple of times, yet never in a more than surface conversation.
Hmm.
Mayhaps I have had one or two half-deep talks...
Yet this is only said because I know I was reaching in and realizing it all.
Who knows what the other person thought I was blathering about.
...case and point:
when talking to myself I don't have to elaborate.
so why the heck am I elaborating now?
...
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Sifting through snapshots
All I want to do is walk along the Rhine on a rainy day...
eat gelato from an open faced store with those small scoops at .6 Euro a scoop.
sit and see how far I can follow the river...
see that church on down the way...
*sigh*
It feels so right there, everywhere.
Then again, I did meet wonderful people that helped the feeling.
Perhaps it will be best to move there.
...no really, I mean it.
...or the least I can do is review posts from last May.
eat gelato from an open faced store with those small scoops at .6 Euro a scoop.
sit and see how far I can follow the river...
see that church on down the way...
*sigh*
It feels so right there, everywhere.
Then again, I did meet wonderful people that helped the feeling.
Perhaps it will be best to move there.
...no really, I mean it.
...or the least I can do is review posts from last May.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
In case you were wondering...
A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to solidify a new relationship, one that most people weren't counting on because they stereotyped.
Who was this with?
Oh, that guy I dated over a year ago?
This was his fiance, the one he left just before going out with me then went out with again after he broke up with me.
I knew one of two options were true: she has no idea what kind of guy he is and will one day wake up thinking 'who is this arrogant man I'm married to?" or she knows just who he is and loves him anyway.
I was hoping for the latter.
Turns out that one was correct.
She understood just what I meant on a myriad of topics and we could even finish the other's sentences.
...and she's on my side. Knows he needs to apologize...
and that he used me.
...I wonder if she knows the reasons he gave me for breaking up with her.
I wonder if he made those up.
I wonder if I should tell her how he was...
No, even if she can take it, I won't let the kid shoot himself in the foot that way.
I still wonder why I dated him.
But then the logic kicks in and I see it: He was a friend, I'm friends with people no matter what their fault. He took interest in me and feelings that never saw the light of day were let loose because he liked me first. These feelings were not directed at him, they just wanted out and were there. Girlishness, if you please. I just went along with it.
I trusted one person then realized how much I valued trust and how it was torn out of me after the fact.
Perhaps I trusted, he betrayed, and now I have cut him off from all 'Lindsay' privileges.
Perhaps he's frightened of me because of what I represent in him that he's not willing to face.
Is she worth facing if for, Jake? Is she?
The answer, oh sir stop learning after you assume, is yes.
But you have to know what is it that you need to face, right?
Perhaps this is why he doesn't wish to speak of me.
What I really had wanted to blog about was when came up in conversation, a friend was just commenting on them together and kind of cringing. She also commented on what profs and other people in classes thought of him, his demeanor in class, being disrespectful by always being on his laptop, etc. We got to talking and I told her of how his fiance knew who he was and loved him through all of his faults. She thought and thought and couldn't comprehend dating a jerk or someone that arrogant. I pointed out how deep her love for him would be; she loves him past and through all this. I don't always explain my visuals and they just are what I see and are never thought out, but this is of lots of blocks buried in the top soil. The love is like water, seeps in and around the blocks and eventually goes deeper. the blocks are kind of like sponges even, it can suck up and get rid of the love if they run unchecked. She loves him through it and will be there to help him through when he finally sees himself.
This friend still couldn't comprehend it, you KNOW someone is a certain way and has such an ego, yet still you love them?!
Well, that's how God loves us. Through the faults. Faults and all even. He wants to help us through the faults, be there as we grow into who we were meant to be. Perhaps my friend the lovely young woman marrying the needing a few more years (or decades) of maturity yet okay somewhere in there guy could teach us a lesson in love, even if we take just an ounce of that. I don't care for speaking about him in fear that I may say something I shouldn't, yet that much I said. (minus the needing more maturity bit)
Why do I say just an ounce?
I don't think I could ever open myself up to someone that is that unaware of themself and the world around them. I was forced to try. That didn't turn out well.
You can't find understanding in someone that doesn't even objectively see their own reflection.
I'm failing something horrible in my wording here, yet hey, I have no need to explain.
I'm not being pinned for an exact meaning, no one is badgering me for facts to understand, and I know what I'm getting at.
Perhaps those last few sentences relay more than when I was trying to explain.
People need different things. I sadly don't know that I could fall for anything less than perfection, while my new found friend is marrying a work in progress.
Then again, we are all a work in progress until we die...
or stop learning.
...and I must admit, I do so love the ever-learning nature of life as it should be...
Who was this with?
Oh, that guy I dated over a year ago?
This was his fiance, the one he left just before going out with me then went out with again after he broke up with me.
I knew one of two options were true: she has no idea what kind of guy he is and will one day wake up thinking 'who is this arrogant man I'm married to?" or she knows just who he is and loves him anyway.
I was hoping for the latter.
Turns out that one was correct.
She understood just what I meant on a myriad of topics and we could even finish the other's sentences.
...and she's on my side. Knows he needs to apologize...
and that he used me.
...I wonder if she knows the reasons he gave me for breaking up with her.
I wonder if he made those up.
I wonder if I should tell her how he was...
No, even if she can take it, I won't let the kid shoot himself in the foot that way.
I still wonder why I dated him.
But then the logic kicks in and I see it: He was a friend, I'm friends with people no matter what their fault. He took interest in me and feelings that never saw the light of day were let loose because he liked me first. These feelings were not directed at him, they just wanted out and were there. Girlishness, if you please. I just went along with it.
I trusted one person then realized how much I valued trust and how it was torn out of me after the fact.
Perhaps I trusted, he betrayed, and now I have cut him off from all 'Lindsay' privileges.
Perhaps he's frightened of me because of what I represent in him that he's not willing to face.
Is she worth facing if for, Jake? Is she?
The answer, oh sir stop learning after you assume, is yes.
But you have to know what is it that you need to face, right?
Perhaps this is why he doesn't wish to speak of me.
What I really had wanted to blog about was when came up in conversation, a friend was just commenting on them together and kind of cringing. She also commented on what profs and other people in classes thought of him, his demeanor in class, being disrespectful by always being on his laptop, etc. We got to talking and I told her of how his fiance knew who he was and loved him through all of his faults. She thought and thought and couldn't comprehend dating a jerk or someone that arrogant. I pointed out how deep her love for him would be; she loves him past and through all this. I don't always explain my visuals and they just are what I see and are never thought out, but this is of lots of blocks buried in the top soil. The love is like water, seeps in and around the blocks and eventually goes deeper. the blocks are kind of like sponges even, it can suck up and get rid of the love if they run unchecked. She loves him through it and will be there to help him through when he finally sees himself.
This friend still couldn't comprehend it, you KNOW someone is a certain way and has such an ego, yet still you love them?!
Well, that's how God loves us. Through the faults. Faults and all even. He wants to help us through the faults, be there as we grow into who we were meant to be. Perhaps my friend the lovely young woman marrying the needing a few more years (or decades) of maturity yet okay somewhere in there guy could teach us a lesson in love, even if we take just an ounce of that. I don't care for speaking about him in fear that I may say something I shouldn't, yet that much I said. (minus the needing more maturity bit)
Why do I say just an ounce?
I don't think I could ever open myself up to someone that is that unaware of themself and the world around them. I was forced to try. That didn't turn out well.
You can't find understanding in someone that doesn't even objectively see their own reflection.
I'm failing something horrible in my wording here, yet hey, I have no need to explain.
I'm not being pinned for an exact meaning, no one is badgering me for facts to understand, and I know what I'm getting at.
Perhaps those last few sentences relay more than when I was trying to explain.
People need different things. I sadly don't know that I could fall for anything less than perfection, while my new found friend is marrying a work in progress.
Then again, we are all a work in progress until we die...
or stop learning.
...and I must admit, I do so love the ever-learning nature of life as it should be...
Sunday, March 11, 2012
A bit o' the Blues
The mirror says 'dang, you look great in a jersey that fits well!'
The debit card says 'You really need to add up gas money and see what a bad idea this was...'
The Scottrade Center says 'It's about time!'
The sport of hockey says 'Welcome back.'
Seems just like yesterday I was the fastest five year old on roller blades... picking up sticks and swatting rocks with them...
The fans are the same, the feel is the same, it felt like coming home.
The debit card says 'You really need to add up gas money and see what a bad idea this was...'
The Scottrade Center says 'It's about time!'
The sport of hockey says 'Welcome back.'
Seems just like yesterday I was the fastest five year old on roller blades... picking up sticks and swatting rocks with them...
The fans are the same, the feel is the same, it felt like coming home.
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