isn't this what i've been saying all along?

synonomous

The beautiful sunset and the clear air enraptured me as I walked across campus this evening...
So many times I have wished I could always be out breathing the fresh air, taking in the sunset and admiring spring.
Wishing I never had to leave it.

God heard.

...so what did He do?

simple:

He made me from nature.

'i am at all times...'

and with last year's induced lack of life inside it's only natural that this year the earth and Kansas that I love suffers from a perpetual springtime.

One perspective I lack: The view from outside.

today the head of the music department came into my theory class and jokingly gave me a coin purse to put my debit card/drivers license in in lieu of my status referring to how I put them through the washer.
...well, and also because a mysterious person left a brightly colored picture of snoopy by her door... coincidentally, someone also taped a picture of snoopy decked out in a Philadelphia Flyer's jersey to one of the other prof's door that same day, hmm, same individual? possibly.
later that day when we were chatting I offhandedly mentioned that I never knew people actually read my status' until they brought them up in conversation.


she said that she not only reads them but looks forward to seeing them each day; that my humor, wit, and wisdom has a touch of... well, brilliance. that I see connections that no one else seems to notice and my insight is incredible. she went on to say that all the things I post just make her think 'this girl has no idea how brilliant she is, does she?'


...suppose i never really thought of it that way.
really, i just have a different perspective...
some don't understand it, others overlook it...
and i love every minute of it.
that does pair with the 'that girl has no idea how beautiful she is, does she?' thought i was told she had...




but perhaps the best way to introduce others to me would be:
"This is Lindsay, she has no idea how beautiful she is and she has no idea how brilliant she is, however she does love the view from her window."


and in all reality, as long as i have that last bit i'm perfectly content not fully realizing the other two.

"but there's peace for every pound of strength..."

$30 and two big red X's on my hands later, I have now seen one of my favorite bands of all time.


apart from the people going three-to-one pushing against one small girl to get a better place and the people just wanting a better place to make out with/feel up their girlfriend, it was fantastic.


you know, I can really get into music.
...but not in front of people.
...and never, ever when the music is worship music at church.


but Hammers and Strings...


Bloodshot...


I think of what God's given me so much more when I'm at a club surrounded by people that probably don't believe in God, a place where the F-word is dropped on stage by someone that's written music that I lived on for months, a place where the ground was sticky from beer or whatever other drink of choice people had...
I got into it.
and I got more out of it.
Certainly more than at 90% of chapels.


The words are different, they come from a different place.


and you know, finding You in such places seems more honest than it being induced purposefully.
...but I'm an odd one.
'a breed all unto myself' or whatever my theory prof jokingly said the other day.


as long as I can remain who I am in such places I don't mind one bit.
somehow I remain clean.


but hey, I'm kind of ridiculous, what can I say?
I'm quite a fan of breathing deeply...
it just may come out in odd ways at times.

A Re-introduction

...since I'm currently in the business of new beginnings with the whole 'throw out half the old blog and keep getting rid of pieces of them once they're in the new blog' and feeling spring (albeit early) in the air...
I felt this was necessary.

Hello, I am Lindsay.
I'm a singer and a bass player, a graphic design student and a neat-freak, a Marvel comics nerd and a bookworm, a theater kid that wishes she had gone to school for theater, and I have a fantastic new straw cowboy hat with beautiful hardware.
some consider me 'Humble to a flaw' while others just think I'm weird.
others think I'm 'the deepest person' they've met, and some just don't care to know.
in all reality i'm a bit crazy with a dash of whimsy...
though that last bit hardly anyone gets to see, yet I'm getting better.
some think I'm too serious, some think I'm anything but serious.
I've been told I can seem standoffish though that is never my intention,
in all reality I do the best to be myself, but fully myself with others around and fully myself while on my own are two different things, why?
I'm a ridiculous introvert that wants nothing more than to run barefoot along the grass and talk to the Orion constellation as if he's my big brother, make people smile, and hopefully, hopefully, wonder at something in such a way my eyes glint.

I began this blog years ago just to get thought out, a friend and I blogged together on separate blogs. That friend is gone but this blog, obviously, is still here.
a while ago this blog went from thought to a blatant need to spill out frustration...
but I want this to be for thoughts I want to hang on to, things I wish to find again...
not me boiling over several times a day because for the first time I'm experience the maelstrom of feelings.
It aggravated me that I wore my heart on my sleeve to that extent, even to a blog that only a few read.
With this in mind I utilized the magic 'hide blog' from profile option and the imported it all to here.
Many dropped, chopped, and swapped posts later...
here you are.

I don't claim that everything is a gem, there's probably posts I thought of dropping.
But hey, for my few good friends that read this, it helps them get me.
To the rest of you, feel free to skip as much as you would like or cruise right past, hey, I'm a wall-flower, I'm used to it!


as for the name, ah...

a few of my posts I do enjoy quite a bit, they remind me of anything from sitting by the Rhine reading Dorian Gray, traipsing all over the Midwest with my jazz band, or just stargazing while working at camp.
in all reality, you can have a great amount of good thought while gazing in wonder at what's around you.

When I'm at my best I can be serious, but with such wonder...
I love it.
Seriously Whimsical indeed.




p.s.
For future notice, my form and punctuation here would drive a grammar nazi insane. That first couple of years... Heh. Sorry. Had a no capital letters phase. Fit my thinking at the time. Hurts my eyes horrifically now.
It has progressed through the years as I have changed, yet the earlier years and such... ouch.
I follow my thought here, but then again even if I can switch it off and write well for papers...
I should make an effort here.
In addition, due to not too recent events, i'm slightly fearful of my thought being judged...Open mind, please. it's only a part of my opinion, don't tear me apart, or even worse, assume.
in addition...
I tend to live in fear of others thinking I consider myself better than what I am.
...and I hope that doesn't rub off here.
...but I truly do love who I am and constantly try to live up to the ridiculous person God made me...

"A man takes a drop too much once in a while, it's only human nature."
"Nature, Mr. Allnut, is what we are put in this world to rise above."
- The African Queen, 1951

Under Construction.

Hello World,
if you are reading this then that means you are part of the .02 people that have managed to stumble upon my blog.
you see i have another blog, but do to frustration and a pretty tough obstacle in life (that should have been easier in my eyes, but it makes sense now) there was too much pain and hurt for me to ever want to share it.
with this in mind I imported it all here and am in the process of cutting parts out and dropping about half of the posts in an effort to have something that isn't so painful that my closest friends can't stand to read it.
the posts that are up now have been edited, chopped, and perhaps one or two are merged.

...stay tuned!

...however if you do not wish to stay tuned, other options include turning your computer off and doing something worthwhile outside, simply finding a blog by someone that knows what they are doing (...then again, if you wish to read about life, wouldn't it be more interesting to learn another perspective from one trying to figure it out, yes?) or just read the posts that have already made the jump.

if the last option is appealing...
there's a nice chunk of blogs from Germany in May of 2011, the late 2010 vintage includes a lovely rainy day with Miss Anne of Green Gables, the stock from 08-09 will feature a 16ish year old that's just trying to get a handle on things, and starting in early-mid 2011 you can find the first time i try to trust humanity! (it's a short stint in the trust business, but it leaves one heck of a dent!)
stay tuned for late 2011, this include the wide-eyed wonder of the world inside introvert corner!
*holds up 'oooh and ahhh' cue card to audience*

thanks for flying Girl from Kansas airways, please exit safely and have a wonderful trip!



(girl from kansas... kansas... wide open spaces... there's a blog title somewhere in that...)

i need to write because i want to hold on to something, not because i want to say something.

...then again, sometimes deconstructing is necessary.
but this blog is for thought.
i'll leave the daily deconstruction elsewhere.

Being Lindsay is: friends texting you once, you never get the text, they go somewhere and do things without you.
Being Lindsay is: the church going wild for a friend's 20th birthday with gifts, parties, and all- you sit down and think 'now who else had their 20th birthday not too long ago...'
Being Lindsay is: I lied, it's more like being Lindsay when friends don't try to call at all and do things without me.

...but these friends usually try very hard to involve me...

and I feel like a brat for comparing birthdays.
Suppose it's just affirmation of what i'm used to, suppose that's the problem with noticing quite a bit.

But hey, as long as I don't let such things get me down i'm in good shape.

and yesterday wasn't about me, it was my friend celebrating her birthday with friends. I'm used to sitting alone, what's one more day?

new year, same slate, different section.

and New Years arrives quietly,
playing games, laughing, not looking at the clock.
then again, I wouldn't have it any other way.

here's to the passing of 2011 and the many previously known epiphanies that became a part of my symphony,
may such death not find me in 2012,
and may i continue to learn to be myself.

...whether that be in front of others or dancing like a sprite caught in the wind while on my own.

i'll be happy either way.

exciting to see what the year will bring, what majors i'll add...
hmm.
what New York will bring...
what the summer will be like...

haha, not exactly a real page-turner, but it keeps me busy, busy indeed.
wonder how much i'll learn in my spring internship...
how the play will go...
if i'll be deemed worthy of the upper level choir...
ha, singing in voice studio this year and wowing them...

have i thanked you profusely yet today, Lord?

...this year, that is?

well, another year, once again, though i realize we do this at the beginning of school it's different now...
so...
meet You halfway?

...and We're off.