if i'm alive, then i don't need a witness to know that i survive, i'm not looking for forgiveness...

ha!

well, i am dead.

i know that.

but when i was outside walking around...
the snow reminded me of something.

everytime i die, i come back better than before.

i knew that, yet i didn't realize it.

i may still have hurt, pain, everything inside...

but there's this thing about being an oxymoron.

you can be dead.

but at the same time begin to live.

and then the level of living you ultimately attain is twice that it was before...

odd how i can forget so much, suppose i've been out of the deep pain game for a while.

i may have meant it when i said he won.
he did.

but i forgot.

i can't lose.

i come back.

God ingrained in me life and survival to such a level that it's nearly impossible not to.

i may die for a while, i know that.

but i'll only be dead for a week or so.

maybe less.

you see, ashes and charred remains are the best means to support new life.

ha, i'm a kansas girl, i enjoy seeing the burning fields, fire all around... and that happens to clear away the deadness, and make way for the new life.
it even helps the new life to grow better.

i suppose before i was walking in the snow i was dead, small wonder i didn't remember all of this, great scot, how could i forget?

i like to try and see the root of everything, this can leave me cold and frightening in my bluntness and outward showing of hurt, this can leave me at a loss for words while gazing at the stars or stepping outside into the fresh air.

you know, in all there's one thing i'm sure of.

i may be dead.
but never, ever will i be so forever.

the resolution
it may not let me embed this, but no matter who you are, if you read this...
watch it.

There's a lot that I don't know
There's a lot that I'm still learning
When I think I'm letting go
I find my body it's still burning

And you hold me down
And you got me living in the past
Come on and pick me up
Somebody clear the wreckage from the blast

Yeah I'm alive
But I don't need a witness
To know that I've survived
I'm not looking for forgiveness
Yeah I just need light
I need light in the dark
As I search for the resolution

And the bars are finally closed
So I try living in the moment
For the moment it just froze
And I felt sick and so alone

I could hear the sound
Of your voice still ringing in my ear
I'm going underground
But you'll find me anywhere I fear

Yeah I'm alive
But I don't need a witness
To know that I've survived
I'm not looking for forgiveness
Yeah I just need light
I need light in the dark
As I search for the resolution

The resolution
The resolution

And you hold me down
Yeah you hold me down

Yeah I'm alive
But I don't need a witness
To know that I've survived
I'm not looking for forgiveness

Yeah I'm alive
But I don't need a witness
To know that I've survived
I'm not looking for forgiveness
Yeah I just need light
I need light in the dark
As I search for the resolution

I need life
I need life
(Lying in the dark as I search for the resolution)
Resolution
(Lying in the dark as I search for the resolution)
Resolution
(Lying in the dark as I search for the resolution)


Lord, you have made me to always come back.
stronger.
better.
more alive.

EDIT:
not everyone can see my metaphor in 'i always win' and 'he won'
so it's a metaphor with a lot of meaning packed behind it.
there ya go.
i say this because he thinks i consider life all about winning.
no.
what does he know of life?