the glass passenger. in a kiln.

"I called Jesus but he heard I hurt his little girl, yeah,
with my reckless stare, I've been so unfair
Misplacing my affections"
haha, writing for him now Mr. McMahon?

cleaning the house while listening to my jack's mannequin cds and being insanely ticked off made my vocals sound phenomenal.
'mixed tape' never sounded better.
and i breathed right, breath in stomach out, breathe out stomach in.
'che fiero costume,' the song about cruel cupid, shall be sang most fervently in lessons.

ha, he says they hung out once over spring break and the old feelings came back.
of course.
somehow i knew it would happen.
i knew when it would happen.
i was right.
the feelings he had for her were never gone.
nice of me to tie him over until he was ready to go back to her.
makes me sick.
makes me feel used.
wonder how long he was sure he liked her again and wanted to go back before they started going out.
since before we broke up?
a month?
a week?
a few days?
on a freakin' whim?

i will admit i'm surprised he could last without a girl that long.
that girl in particular.
figured it would be that first weekend he went back.

bah.
mom just asked me if i'm still working on my ASG project.
she said she's really worried that if i can't make decisions this fast then maybe i shouldn't be a designer.
...

listening to jack's mannequin very very loudly was good for me.

ha, the title to one of the jack's mannequin albums is 'the glass passenger'

you know i feel selfish when i act like i'm hurt so deep.
when i finally give in and say that i'm deep.
that i see the depths of the earth and think deeply on a regular basis.
as if it's not my business to say things like that about myself.
i really do feel selfish.
people have hurt like this before.
i'm nothing special.
ha.
at one point he said i was the deepest person he knew.
and he thought i was really an INTJ.
he was once surprised i picked up on how he was feeling.
well he had fun trying to kill the INFP.

ha.

see. i'm laughing.
i'll be fine.

"I hurt you Lindsay. I'm not gonna be able to forget it. And I'm sorry... "

forget it. i'm going to. (try)

and i was too stupid to say no.

...and i still feel ridiculous for the hurt because i didn't like him that much, honestly, it's not something i'm trying to get myself to believe, it's ridiculously true.
suppose my history doesn't help things.