Guess what today's sermon was?
reasons why relationships fail.
and guess who had to hear it twice because jazz band played for both services?
yay me!
*note sarcasm.
so i was sitting there listening to why relationships fail and how we're supposed to persevere anyway (the persevere part was aimed at married folks however, not those unattached who can jump ship.)
talked about how among other things unmet expectations cause a relationship to fail.
yay for me being an unmet expectation!
and how while opposites attract and compliment each other well, they also cause problems. well not cause, as the pastor put it 'relationships don't cause problems, they reveal them.'
and how nothing is more dissapointing than a failed relationship.
fun day...
*note sarcasm
yeah... two 25-30 minute sermons on why relationships fail is not the best way to start a day at all. especially when i was so determined to make this a good day and not think of things. i shan't digress further on my frustrations on that aspect of life...
yet both sets of jazz went well.
in the second more contemporary service... their worship music was... well, the band was good, the worship leader not as much (and he led both services... his voice isn't that great for leading such a large church... he was off... as were the other singers in the first service...) and in the second service...
...
lights flashing, fancy green patterned lights scrolling the audience, er, congregation, all stage lights flashing to the beat (albeit slightly off) and a fog machine hazing up the place...
umm...
what?
i suppose whatever floats your boat...
i get more from singing hymns really, a lot of the lyrics to those are so good... the songs they sang today... whatever floats your boat.
not sure how necessary the fog machine, flashing lights, and fancy colored spot lights were, i was wondering when the bells and whistles would show up...
just struck me as odd.
i remember hearing someone saying that a lot of people use worship music as kind of an induced God-high type thing...
and in this case they needed flashing lights...
everyone worships and talks to God in their own way though.
ah, when he broke up with me he asked me if he could pray for us. i said i don't know. later i realized it was just no. no. i'm glad he didn't. i couldn't talk to God in front of him, he lost being that close to me, i hadn't the ability to talk to God, really talk to Him as i needed to then, in front of him. no way. not after that, probably before if i was comfortable enough. it's much to personal for me i suppose... in these blogs i feel like i'm talking to myself... and so i do randomly say things to God then... i just had the urge to type something now... when i talk to myself...
it's like God's listening...
so i acknowledge Him...
that's what i always used to do, alone in my room even at age 4. tell God how my day was. introvert corner with my stuffed animals talking his ear off.
swinging by myself in second grade.
talking his ear off inside my head.
and yet i still forget to pray for people or for myself...
doesn't matter if you're always in constant communication with someone, even with God, you can still forget to communicate things you wish to or need to say.
i was appreciated today twice, made me happy... the piano player was late in getting to rehearsal this morning and it was just me rolling the changes on one song and he said it sounded good (huzzah!) and then at the concert his evening i got a part on 'sing sing sing' with just bass and brass spot on and he said great job. he helps me quite a bit, i'm rather embarrassed at my lack of bass clef reading skill... and getting lost in the changes... *sigh* and the drummer used the kick-drum for a few songs today, really helped with making the downbeats pronounced. i had been wondering why some of the beats were so weak, but he used it the first time today and it stood out...
garden of the gods was wonderful... climbing through the rocks, seeing the shadows on the rocks... the blue sky with the clouds... some of the clouds were the kind that are more alive than you could ever feel... we only got an hour there, wish i had more time... there are so many places to hike...
one of the members of our band that lives here said he loves it but isn't sure he'd like to come back after graduation... too much development and over-population, getting to be like denver. i can see what he means...
sunset... i didn't get to see it all as i was performing, yet the black mountains, fading blue sky, stars... clouds that look more alive than i... stars... such vibrant blue... orion over the mountains...
*sigh*
wonderful.
wish i could just sit there and watch it.
"We do not see nature with our eyes, but with our understandings and our hearts"
indeed...
if you see it with just your eyes you're not really looking.
that did make up for the negative aspects of the day... the negative thoughts and bad memories.
well, for the most part i suppose.
eased them at anyrate.
the family i'm staying with took me and the other jazz member staying here to a sushi place... i hadn't had much oriental food... it was wonderful... except for wasabi. great scot, that stuff is ridiculous, takes over you mouth and then up the sinuses... the fried broccoli was wonderful... california rolls... california roll with eel and avocado was amazing... who knew? it was good at anyrate, glad they took us there, it was different :) i don't get to try different things too often...
on a side-note, i was a quiet INFP today... i think... not sure what that means... was i just quiet... feeling more down... feeling down yet pleased with my surroundings...? had a 'good' day i suppose, walking outside was wonderful... i suppose when i'm out in such nature i turn a bit more soft like that. more thoughtful.
"you don't always have to hold your head higher than your heart"
i think i hold my head down too much... yet my heart can be soaring with a spring breeze... yet at the same time on the ground leaving a trail of blood...
suppose i'm living up to my oxymoronic tendencies.
"a paradox, a paradox"
i'm wondering if you experience the highs and lows well enough if you have them so often at the same time...
can you soar quite as high?
i know you can fall just as deep... for the most part...
i suppose they do not really balance each other out even when at the same time... yet i'm wondering if the lows keep you from experiencing the highs as much when they occur at the same time...
i've always known that the lows help you to appreciate the highs.
but do the highs make you hurt more in the lows?
i suppose you have further to fall...
but for me...
for the most part, i'm used to it...
i really need to keep a notepad with 'fleeting thoughts...'
i was determined to remember so much today, and i forgot it all...
all i really want right now is miso soup, broccoli-shrimp-sweet potato tempura, and those crab/eel sushi rolls with avocado... mmm...
apparently it's snowing at home...
i could use a good, cleansing snow...
makes one feel clean...
i know i want spring, but one last covering of snow... drifting down...
may i never be on my front porch talking to God while looking at the falling snow again. i shall go elsewhere when it's snowing at home. make snow angels in the yard... go to the side yard... so peaceful in the snow... the day we went sledding, had it been clear out i would have playfully shoved him in the snow after covering his head in snow to such he looked like he had gray hair, and then told him to look at the stars.
the stars look better when you're in the snow... the snow mutes the sound... it sparkles... it's so peaceful...
yes, snow would be nice.
yet i shall wait until next year i suppose.
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