you know that when you pick up a book entitled 'wisdom: from philosophy to neuroscience' and the first line of the description is 'We all recognize wisdom, but defining it is more elusive.' that you must begin reading it right there.
and inevitably purchase it.
it's written by a journalist that often writes for the NY Times that writes about how science and society collides...
so reading 'the picture of dorian gray' on my new 'nook' (barnes and noble's answer to kindle) will have to wait.
not sure that i want a nook...
real books are so much more satisfying, but it this doesn't work out then we're giving it to my grandmother...
however having 81 classic books for free is wonderful...
perhaps 'dorian gray' shall come first.
need to get my head into something...
need thought stimulated...
room is mostly empty...
and there are only a few other people in the dorm...
somehow camp has prepared me for this as well, camp prepared me for living with people and for them leaving...
today while at barnes and noble with my parents i suggested going to build a bear sometime (eventually, not then... i've caused them to spend enough money...) so i could get a stuffed animal and then buy a st. louis blues uniform for it...
mom said 'didn't _____ give you that build a bear with the hockey stuff back?'
'what? no, that was for his birthday, i gave it to him, why would he give it back?'
'because he knew he was going to break up with you when he took it.'
'no he didn't, that was weeks...'
'wanna bet?'
...
gee thanks mom.
'i'm going to be there at six with some flowers on sticks that were clipped just to make the weak strong...'
oddly enough, having a random flower displayed in a vase does make the weak strong...
i like having just one or two blooms in a vase...
you can appreciate them more...
and leave more outside to thrive under the sun...
i should go clip some lavender now, my vases are still here...
haha, and that song just came up on itunes...
i need to read a book.
i want my head lost in the clouds...
i want to see the stars in the day...
i want to smile as the clouds compete with me to appear more alive...
Lord i want to feel you smile at me as i give you a wry smile and complain about you laughing at me...
but i shouldn't be impatient.
haha, Lord, it took me so long to be that filled with life, i do not expect it all to come back that swiftly...
but at least let me be myself for those campers this summer?
i love being a good influence on those kids, showing them Your creation...
i love showing them what living for You looks like...
...is it narcissistic to think that you're a good example?
to say that i like showing them what living for You looks like and by default saying that i'm a good example of that?
but i suppose really i am going off of what others have told me...
and i pray that i can be the kind of leader those kids deserve...
i never had anyone to look up to... even if they look up to me for a week, or several summers in a row... i hope that i can be a positive influence on their lives...
they won't remember me in ten years, but every little bit helps.
suppose i did kind of look up to dad, haha, loved being the little girl that went to nascar with him, monster trucks, whatever hockey game we could manage, took the staples of of auto parts boxes when i was at work with him...
haha...
and i did have someone to really look up to...
that i wanted to be like...
may not have been the hockey-playing imaginary older brother that i would daydream about teaching me to speed-skate like apollo ohno or think of riding dirt bikes with, but who i looked up to was better than that.
thank You for being the ultimate in good examples, Lord.
-EDIT-
just noticed on my 'finals care package' my mom put that they were proud of me...
and that felt good.
...
i've never felt anything when my parents said they were proud of me.
or any other compliment...
i don't care if that's a generic thing to say, i felt it...
wow...
-EDIT-
fun part to when random guys you don't know that are in your campus parking lot for a grad party try to flirt with you:
you work your magic so the group of people around him says 'dude, you just got owned.'
ha!
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