today was...bipolar...?
started out well i suppose, beautiful morning threatening of storms...
oddly enough i feel so very at home feeling the wind that teases you with the cool, damp air that may or may not break open...
went to a historic old city, medievel in origins. wonderful...
did find myself the odd one out as we paired up, yet what's to be expected, i may be friends with all of these people yet i'm always on the outside... it's lovely when i'm not and am able to be in on it all, but that can't happen all the time...
i then chose the wrong people to tag along with as we spent one hour of our 2.5 hour time block looking for the person that one of the people was sharing his lunch money with. so i only got to shop in one place whilst the rest of the people were looking at museums, shopping, etc...
odd how it always works that way...
no really, my host family was the only one that didn't take us anywhere (however everyone's family took them to a gasthaus of some sort mine included) and no matter where people go on band trips and such i seem to be with the group that doesn't go to places like that...
i'm not complaining, just an odd observation.
suppose it saves me money...?
hmm.
yet once we caught up with the other group we went into a lovely little shop with clocks, steins, and other local made things such as that... i got a touristy messenger bag with the name of the city on it right off...
i then came to the hand carved boxes, that was a difficult decision indeed.
feeling the designs, running my hands over the smooth wood...
the smaller ones were cheaper, yet i found a nice medium sized box with a beautiful design, carving on the sides... slight golden squiggle around the petals of the design in the middle... not a flower but not sure what else to call them...
too many to choose from!
i almost bought a box with the smoothest laquered wood, stained bright red with hearts carved in it to the point it looked embossed, felt good in my hands... yet i decided on the other and hadn't the time to decide to purchase two.
i often take solace in such things as that, a beautifully made box... something handmade, something beautiful that just calms me to look at, trace the design...
running my fngers over the top of the box i hoped i had a good place to display it...
suppose my messy room shall be quite a mess with all of my dorm room things thrown about, i won't even have a bed to sleep on when i get home...
i also bought a Christmas ornament, they had quite a few wooden ones... i smiled as i caught a glimpse of the snowy scene with two people in a sleigh pulled by a prancing horse...
haha, i smiled.
didn't feel sick or anything.
looked like the sleigh was introvert corner to me.
the walls of the city, where i spent most of my time while the people i was with were searching for one person, were quite amazing to look at... arrow slits, gates, the views...
i wanted to recreate helm's deep yet oddly enough no one else wanted to.
pity.
random:
i will say the lotus i saw in the town square may be nicer than the tacomas i saw on base.
just maybe.
*note sarcasm
that was a pretty car...
all of the buildings were so old...
it was quite wonderful...
i did get to see the inside of one, a cafe type place... the water closets were in the empty basement used for dinner and not lunch... the stairs were so old, the basement through beautifully rennovated and reminded me of victorian decor, had walls and supports that were obviously part of the original design.
makes you wonder who lived there... who walked those streets, how old the street signs were, what the history of that inn was, the story of the family owning that establishment... the town hall was built in the 1400s, to be around somethign that old is remarkable... the churches, the buildings, the wall...
i'm quite enjoying being surrounded by this much history.
yet at the same time there is a much more modern feel to many aspects of this country, yet they fit together so well in my opinion...
yes, i haven't much real thought today...
my apologies...
my more bipolar moments of the day were upon my return and just thinking of how i'm always the odd one out...
always liked but no one ever wants to hang out with me.
maybe a couple friends from home like to hang out with me, but other than that...
...
well, my friend that changed schools.
i always know this, but i suppose sometimes it just leaves me hanging back... and hanging my head...
however later on it was quite nice at the reception the church had for us, i was involved, included, talking, being listened to, listening to others... it was wonderful.
suppose i just appreciate things like that because it doesn't happen all that often...
the concert...
i sounded terrible to me, it was ridiculous...
yet it was legitametly good.
i need to learn that what's in my ear from my amplifier is not what everyone else hears... i may hear a sharp trebly mess with every buzz apparent and the notes being all jumbled and not rolling as they should because i lack a lower end, yet out there it ties in perfectly and somehow the recording sounds fantastic.
i think our trumpet-sponser noticed my frustrated and downcast look, he reminded me afterwards that what i hear and what they hear doesn't matter, and really i'm here to play for them... true... and really, as long as i play well enough that i keep time and chords so the other members of the band can build on my foundation then it doesn't matter how pretty the foundation is...
*sigh*
just have to get used to the new amp, the new strings, how high pitched the sound needs to be so it's not muddy...
because great scot i thought i was just doing terribly while the trumpet guy that plays in numerous other bands and has heard a lot of bassists said some stuff i put out was so great he wanted to run over and give me a high-five, and compliments from him are meant and must be earned.
just calm...
i may be playing very well yet i'm still immature in my bass career. experiences like trying out different amps, growing used to new strings, trying out different strings, being able to shift from hearing a nice bass sounds from the amp to harsh plunks that take anything under perfect tecnique and amplify it times 100 to the bassist while no one else notices.
and as i realized, on that cd where you can barely hear me... you can't hear me, but you can hear the tempo i'm setting, the solosits that are getting their chord cues from me, the bass guitar is glue... i'm holding it all together even if you can't hear me...
must learn...
12:45...
i had thought i had something real to put down, i suppose i had feelting shreds of my mind all day yet at the moment i am tired...
and must get up at 8...
and need to take a shower...
agh, and need to get rid of acne, that would be nice..
i need to not bother with blogging if i can't get out my thought...
tired...
mm, the amount of flowers in the city made me quite content. flower boxes in the window, button daisies with deep pinkish/purple petals and bright stark contrast in their green centers...
huh.
took my shower.
happy 1:45 all...
i should get sleep if i ever want real thought and/or to remember this trip.
oddly enough, today i can't remember the bad thoughts or intense negative times...
then again, i can't grasp the wonder i had either...
no win all around i suppose.
feeling quite a sense of nothing...
almost satisfied nothing...
what's that?
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