a great sense of life and needing to speak comes over you... and God pushes you out of the nest ever so slightly.

i'm weary of remarking upon how tired i am yet it's true indeed...

random:
great scot, google chrome translating german web pages to english is magical...


today...
was a good day.

to start with, when we were all sharing how God has been working in our lives.
a lot of people shared, i ended up being last but really felt i was being told to say something...
i didn't say a lot, i mean no one in band knows my story...
yet it felt nice to be able to say something and feel that i was supposed to, that it was okay, to have the words well up inside of you and just find yourself talking.
so many people have said this trip is about whats coming, wondering what will happen next in their lives...
for me it's where i've been, four years ago with the end of something and the beginning of something, this seems to be a formal ending to that beginning... yet in life there are many, many beginnings.

hard to say it all really, i said it earlier...
and somehow for the rest of the day i was myself.
people talked to me.
i was funny.
talked to people...
maybe they were just nicer to me once they had a slight insight into it all.

today we played in a cathedral really... seats a few hundred people, we packed the place... the choir we're singing with it wonderful, and i love my hosts...
the church is a couple hundred years old, large pipe organ, enormous painting in the front of the church...
...it was crooked.
i am not going to fix the 20ft tall picture frame.
i am not going to fix the 20ft tall picture frame with a priceless work of art in it.
i am not going to touch it.
...good thing it was behind me during the concert.
i played well... sometimes i just let loose and couldn't have hit the right notes were it not for You Lord, haha, indeed!
thank you for bass instinct kicking in.

so tired...

*random proof that i'm a silly girl*
for the past week or so i've been listening to 'lullaby' from jack johnson's curious george album...
it always calmed me, but then one day i thought 'whoever i end up with, it feels like he's singing this to me...'
i worded that so much better .02 seconds ago...
i like settling in and trying to go to sleep listening to that, whether i'm on the bus or in a host home.
settle in, carried away from the talons of despairing, hurting, sickening thoughts of him and into jack johnson's melodies...

i haven't much else to say that i can think of, i'm falling asleep on my keyboard...

you know, i'm beginning to feel like a real bassist.

and i'm an incredible paradox.

odd thing about INTJ and INFP

the hard wall of the INTJ makes your eyes hard, rigid, formed...
INFP fills them with wonder... ocean washing over the rocks...

Lord, You made adam from the dust of the earth...
and when You formed me You thought 'I have use the earth and now I will create someone from the sky and the seas, one that feels with the depth of the ocean and yet soars with the eagles...'
i over-romanticize it...
no, no i don't...

i'm not trying to sound deep or whatnot.
profound.

there are just certain ways of invoking understanding that i choose to use...

great scot, and now to bed...
sleep.