beautiful day...
on the three hour bus ride to where we would be touring today (as tourists, today was a concertless day, perhaps the only one we have) my curls wouldn't stay out of my face... they looked so bright and golden with the sunlight.
random:
the song 'stronger' by seabird.
other random:
this is probably redundant, yet i find it odd how i seem to be a person people may like yet never want to talk to, hang out with, anything... not that they don't want to talk, i mean that they... just don't. they do if there is a reason... suppose that's partly why i find it difficult to approach others for no reason; because if people talk to me there's either a reason or a mistake.
when i do find people to tag along with i'm too timid to suggest anything for fear that i'm inconveniencing them...
today one of the girls i'm sharing a room with joked that i hold them up with my picture taking. she was completely joking and i haven't really done that; yet that put in mind my sophomore year of high school trip to orlando with band. one one full day at universal studios. i didn't really have friends... and the group of people i had to be with would always complain about me holding them up with pictures. i held their bags for over three hours as they rode roller coasters... i don't like the drops on roller coasters... and they would never go to any places i wanted to go. they always said later. then after dinner they ditched me with another group... come to find out months later they went to the places i had wanted to go after they ditched me...
got back home and my mom complained up and down about how i took artsy pictures instead of touristy ones. she wanted pictures of people having fun, smiling and laughing...
'...i didn't have any friends, mom.'
hard to take pictures of people smiling and laughing when you don't have anyone to smile and laugh with.
random:
'all at once' by jack johnson
the castles, norscwhanstein and harschwanstein? it was swangow...geau... gauw... can't spell these things... we were in Bavaria. Ludwig the II's castles.
fascinating...
hard to fathom people living there...
and the views...
walking back from the larger castle on my own, about a 20/30 minute walk down (i don't really have a group i hang out with... so...) was wonderful... the forest, tall trees, waterfall, cool breeze... views of the valley and the lake...
i was on my own, able to talk to myself... to You, Lord...
did feel alive for a bit...
i've just been feeling nothing lately...
suppose i'm still being forced to 'live' outside of...
life, or so it feels like.
and it occurred to me how much thought i do not put in these blogs...
hmm...
and a lot just shouldn't go on here.
a lot could be hurtful, i don't know.
a lot shouldn't be said.
a lot just isn't said.
a lot i haven't time to say.
a lot is still in feeling.
and a lot is quite muddled.
'tip of the iceberg' indeed.
and you can't just pull the thought out...
don't force it...
you can't do that.
ah, and i did notice how perfectly the blue of the sky melted into the pink of the sunset... gentle and sloping it melds together perfectly. dark clouds add character, remind you that it's real... smooth transition of paint... the colors in the sky do not suddenly drop to another color, it settles into perfection...
i love metaphors.
...and i'll never understand that wash of feeling that comes over me as i see startlingly beautiful clouds...
as i gazed upon the calm lake, the one white sailboat in the beautiful blue water that reflected the sky ever so gently...
that feeling of 'this is what i am.'
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