the hat trick of lost days...

did not have internet last night in the hotel, the night before that in the hotel, the night before that in a host home... so i typed my half-formed thoughts while my eyes faded...
and shall type mine for the day after this...

15 may

Had a lovely host family last night, and had a wonderful German breakfast this morning… mmm, fresh bread, the best cold turkey and cheese I’ve ever had, home made jelly… great scot, fantastic.

This morning as my host family was driving along the autobahn at about 100 mph I watched the countryside go by…

So many cyclists, wish America was more bike-friendly, here there are bike trails most everywhere…

The hills around here are quite simply amazing…

Wonderful indeed…

The towns nestled in the hills, old churches spiring above the line of buildings… town that are hundreds of years old, 400, 500, one town we go to is 1000 years old. Such history, it’s amazing…

Haha, met a little girl today. Most of the time I’m not a huge fan of babies, I mean what do you do with them? But this one was different. She had just learned to walk, the kind where she gazes up at you and then slowly falls down? So many people tried to get her to go to them…

And she’d just stare up…

And fall down.

Aha, and then she looked at me, I smiled, she smiled back, and began walking toward me. I scooted away, she giggled and walked faster. She caught me, hugged both of my legs and put her blond head between my legs just above my knees. Such a good kid… suppose I do like kids that age… if they’re a certain kind of kid. And she was that. Haha, and so smart…

Random: it has been decided by a committee of jazz members that my Disney princess identity is Mulan. I actually liked that movie, and can see that similarity…

 Ah, and walking around this town I made someone smile, just looked at the old lady and smiled, she went from a melancholy to a slight smile that warmed her face… I love making people smile… aha, like that little girl this morning… I turned my bass down but it was run through the sound system so you could sit at the sound table and listen on a headset. This little girl was listening as I practiced. I caught her eyes and she just laughed. So I played something crazy, a little ‘rage against the machine’ and her smile got bigger, I just played random other things and she enjoyed it so, I should have practiced, but hey, that smile did me some good indeed… smiles break so many language boundaries, and music can make people of all cultures smile…

Other random:
Still can’t stand that kid.
‘revolting’ much?

When some thoughts come along, I just smile and think, ‘ah, yeah, he wasn’t good enough for me anyway.’

I know I shouldn’t take solace in things that could hurt others in thinking them…
but great scot, I do believe that and in all honesty I deserve someone just as different as I am… not different in the same way as I, but… yeah.
...and actually, a friend has told me that.

“if I drift long enough I’ll be home…”

16 may

Another wonderful German breakfast…

I have found that nutella and raspberry jam mixed together is wonderful.

Loved the host family I stayed with, we stayed up and talked fro quite a while… the piano player and a trumpet player were also staying there, they asked for one girl and there was silence… all the girls had already paired up. So… I volunteered. I’m glad however, it was nice to be with guys instead. We were quite amused when we sat down at the host family’s house and were given coasters, each coaster had a musical instrument on it… I had a piano, the piano player had a French horn, and the trumpet player that plays French horn in band has a double bass. We switched them up so each person had the instrument they played, haha, that was a wonderful house, both people were professional musicians. The house was filled with random music related things…

Today…

I don’t know, am I really here?

-refrains from quoting bohemian rhapsody-

At anyrate, the concert went wonderfully…

Aside from a saxophone player passing out beforehand…
she does that, but I think she’s better, I’m sharing a hotel room with her and she seems fine or so i hope…

Almost midnight…

Shower…

Go to sleep…

See Switzerland in the morning…

I’ve had ‘the test’ by classic crime stuck n my head…

‘if this is real I’m a fake…

17 may

‘boston’ kicked off my shuffled playlist this morning, true words indeed…
I’m beginning to see how much he didn’t know me, or assumed he knew me and didn’t.

How can anyone know me?
I bleed all over paper, breathe in feelings and let it all out in writing, I’m not used to expressing myself in person.
…being me with another person around is a foreign concept.
great scot, he didn’t know me.

Sat on the banks of the Rhine today…

Near the docks, swinging my barefeet over a concrete ledge a few meters above the water…
my feet felt so wonderful dangling about in the clean air…

The Rhine was so wonderful, cleaner than American rivers… and the scenery…

Sat for a while just looking down the river at the hills, the church, the trees… watching the ducks chase each other. Ever watch a duck land in the water? It’s worth watching…
and watching the ducks calmly swim about relaxes you…

Gazing off into the distance, I felt the air on my cheek, so wonderful...

Life here would be wonderful… well, not that I know all of the ins and outs, but walking along the river, having gelato on a table in front of a business housed in a building that’s over 500 years old, knowing a two or more languages, cycling most everywhere, sending your kids to school on a boat and waiting for them at the docks of the rhine each afternoon as they return from school, did I mention walking along the river? Sitting on its banks…

Random:
Lord, I haven’t gotten a lot of time by myself these past few days…
that’s hard on me, being surrounded by people 24/7… but please help me to still find You… and to be myself… it’s so hard to be myself when I’m never alone… not just sitting alone not talking to anyone on the bus, but i mean being on my own...
i need that...