deconstructing about deconstructing.

you know, a lot of this blog just deconstructing what's going on...

or me struggling to feel anything at all.

"Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with deeper meaning." – Maya Angelou
i may blog up and down, but unless i talk to myself or to someone about what i'm feeling then they haven't near as much meaning...
that long, drawn out, hurt conversation when i was driving back to school the sunday after he told me he was going back out with his old girlfriend did a world of good...
solidifying how i felt...
and i highly doubt he could have heard any of that.
probably couldn't, or wouldn't want, to take it.
not that it was that negative towards him...
but to see how much you've hurt a person, i doubt he could have taken it.

"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." – Henry Ellis
indeed.
but you have to hold on until you can let it go properly.
yet i can't control if i hold on or not.
it takes time for me.
i know certain people that aren't as steep in thought and their own self that feelings and emotions come and go, thoughts change, paradigms shift...
but that doesn't happen easily for me.
yet that just means everything that i am has been earned and paid for dearly.