through my negative and haunting thoughts on sunday morning i remember one that did salvage the service i was playing:
i remember that when i started to play bass guitar, it wasn't just because i wanted to...
i felt that i needed to.
that God was telling me to pick it up and i hadn't the slightest notion as to why.
of course, when my mom mentioned that i should play bass so i could play with them at church, that just kicked me in the tail and affirmed what i already thought...
God was telling me that i would use it to serve Him. i knew that He didn't mean by playing in church on sunday, albeit that was nice but i really did it because mom wanted me to. but it helped me gain experience before playing in HS jazz band my junior and senior years... which helped me gain experience for college jazz...
and now i'm seeing how much God has been preparing me to serve my current jazz band and to serve Him in germany...
living with the people of germany for three weeks, we're not there to be tourists at all. and we'll live with host families, talk to the people, eat with them, etc.
my type of ministry: living. witnessing by living for Christ...
that's what i love about being a counselor, leading by example...
so odd, Lord you created me to be a good example and someone for those kids to look up to...
i've never really had anyone to look up to, but i try...
i digress...
the thought just kind of struck me, i had forgotten the real reason i started playing bass guitar. and it became so clear to me that i was meant to go on this trip. i'm not sure where i'm going with this bass stuff after college, but i do know that i was meant to do that.
it all fits, and God knew back when i first picked up a bass my sophomore year of high school that years later the bass-major at a certain university would have to leave at semester leaving a gap in the rhythm section.
i knew that i wanted to go on this trip to help my jazz band...
but now i really see how much i was meant to go...at anyrate...
haha, in voice lessons my teacher told me that baritones are considered womanizers. and tenors are considered conceited and egotistical. (this doesn't apply to girls in the range)
and she said that she gave me that first page of Che Fiero Costume ('how void of compassion' it's the song about barbaric cupid) that tells the history and literal translation of it so i would know what i was singing, because she wanted me to know what i was singing. we said some other things i forgot, something about the womanizing baritones, and she gave me that look and she said 'i think we're on the same page here.'
we certainly were.
*random
"poetry is thoughts that breathe, and words that burn"- thomas gray
i love burning words...
they don't even have to be dark to burn into your mind.,,
and i can't live without my thoughts breathing, too much pressure would build up otherwise.
random: yesterday a friend from camp, the nurse's son who i think is a junior now, asked if he could ask me a question.
'what's the best cure for a broken heart?'
my reply...
life.
starry skies and a rainy day.
but those are not cures, just ways to find solace.
the only cure is time.
i said that i was new to the whole heartbreak stuff, been broken but not that way before recently. but i think he really appreciated the advice nevertheless.
he put it nicely with 'heartbreak isn't new, it just came in a different way for you this time.'
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