"The soul that is within me no man can degrade." – Frederick Douglass
no, but it can be buried under the debris of life.
yet it still pulls through.
odd how life can have such 'debris' whereas it's such a wonderful thing...
yet even things that are wonderful and sacred can be terrible and dangerous, hurtful and pained.
but if it was always perfect, what would be the worth?
i may be a perfectionist, yet i also recognize that things are never going to be perfect.
i may work with computer programs trying to make the perfect design, but whenever people are involved how is perfection to be attained?
could we be perfect only through realizing our own imperfection?
accepting it?
my mistakes may haunt me, and my imperfections glare at me day and night, but the imperfections in my life make it that much more worth it.
the dark places in life make it that much more worth it.
how deep your hurt is how deep your life is.
so i may go on trying to perfect myself...
but i'm not the one perfecting me.
life is.
circumstances.
experiences.
i aspire to be the best that i can be, that i know i am, anytime you attempt to better yourself you're battling imperfection, you are being a perfectionist.
various names for the same concept.
i suppose it depends on your perception.
and in all reality, while it may not be my imperfections that people jumped on my entire life, but i have learned to be self-conscious of even tiny flaws that no one notices... not the best thing to learn...
but instead of focusing on those and being haunted by every small thing that i do wrong, i should just focus on being who i am best...
the rest will follow.
this applies to quite a bit indeed, not just life and imperfections...
i'm just rambling on pointlessly, i fully intended this post to be a quote and two lines.
i may strive for perfection in my design projects...
but i do love to photograph the rusted, the forgotten, the old, the dying...
yet in loving that aspect of life, i find a new appreciation for the rest...
the new, the clean, the fresh, the reviving...
and it doesn't matter if it's rusted over or bursting with the feeling of spring...
they're both equally alive.
i was not made for an easy life,
and for that i am eternally grateful.
but i was made to attain that one day...
that much i know...
not 'easy' as it was bought at a great price, but most definitely worthwhile.
but as life is life, there will always be times...
or perhaps this content life that i know will come is just being weathered enough to take it all in stride...
hmm...
Lord, have i thanked you for trusting me so much?
today, i mean?
thank you.
You created me in such a way that i cannot dispute, and i hope most others can say the same.
"There are so many hammocks to catch you if you fall, so many laws to keep you from experience. All these cities I have been in the last few weeks make me fully understand the cozy, stifling state in which most people pass through life. I don't want to pass through life like a smooth plane ride. All you do is get to breathe and copulate and finally die. I don't want to go with the smooth skin and the calm brow. I hope I end up a blithering idiot cursing the sun - hallucinating, screaming, giving obscene and inane lectures on street corners and public parks. People will walk by and say, "Look at that drooling idiot. What a basket case." I will turn and say to them "It is you who are the basket case. For every moment you hated your job, cursed your wife and sold yourself to a dream that you didn't even conceive. For the times your soul screamed yes and you said no. For all of that. For your self-torture, I see the glowing eyes of the sun! The air talks to me! I am at all times!" And maybe, the passers by will drop a coin into my cup." - henry rollins
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