bound and free.

5:30am alarm...

snooze...

snooze...

dismiss snooze...

try not to snooze anyway...

...snooze...

...jump up and realize i snoozed...

pull myself out of bed and down some orange juice to get myself going.
look outside and see the sky turn gray as i walk out to my new truck...
feels good wearing my favorite jeans and my old boots...
...and driving a truck that used to belong to some of my favorite people as i go to my favorite place, where they used to live.

driving into the sunrise i rethink my scattered blog from the night before...
and i realize that the sunrise is a bandage to the wound.
it heals.
it does matter what you bind your gashes with because it becomes a part of you as it heals...
but those luminous clouds you find in the morning are wrapped around me and my scars...

i pray that they become a part of me.

still cold when the sun rises but there's work to be done...

i tie buddy up in the stud pen after unsaddling him;
the rest of the horses went out on a ride leaving just a few behind.
he neighs loudly but looks at me intently as i stroke his soft winter coat...

sweeping the barn out i hear crickets, loud whinnies from the horses left behind, and out site director's dog barking in reply; just making sure we didn't forget her.
broom swishing...
wind in the trees...
still more loud neighs...

molly still whining...
me trying to brush off the palamino and black hairs clinging to me...

music to my ears.

can't i hear this everyday?

then talking to people in between, playing hostess and enjoying being 'outgoing' persay.
thoroughly enjoying my usefulness and purpose as i try to relay info to the new groups coming in and ask them to sit in a certain place while the other group finishes riding...
maybe i just enjoyed wearing boots and jeans all day.

or, as i thought while walking to the barn sometime that afternoon, maybe i just loved actually doing work.


going to lunch and catching a glimpse of myself in a mirror...
and laughing at how i actually am pretty despite the dust from cleaning out so many helmets and pairs of boots and the messy hair that i just threw in a pony tail. 
i suppose i doubt or forget it but remember from time to time.
or maybe i wasn't thinking of the mirror.

then giving lead rides for several hours...
150 kids/leaders get sifted through our horses in one way or another.
for about 100 of them this would be lead rides.
with the head wrangler sending them out to three wranglers and the 'junior' wrangler (me for the day) this makes about 25 rides each or 50 laps walking around a good sized arena for each of us.

unbridling and setting the horses loose...

5:30...
and i get on the road at 6pm...

tired but worth it.
spent the day working with some good people.
had biscuits and gravy.
ate a cinnamon bagel while listening to jack johnson while driving along watching the sunrise in my new truck while wearing boots and jeans...
worked with horses all day even if i didn't ride...

earned my dinner...
worked outside all day...

sinking into my bed at the end of the day feeling like i put in a good day's work.

sore from how much i've been doing the past few days.

but as i said...

worth it.