today proved the reason that i made sure to get a west-facing window in my dorm.
...today and the beautiful, vivid air coming from my window proves how being a relatively shy introvert makes you whistfully feel the breeze from outside and think how pathetic it is that you don't wish to go for a walk on your own and at the same time don't really know anyone to ask to go for a walk with.
only person i asked didn't feel like it.
...and the breeze is taunting me.
haha, much like the clouds when they try to act more alive than i...
mmm, when will i ditch the whole dorm room idea and pitch a tent outside?
or simply bring my sleeping bag and lay out all night in the fresh air...
i think i need a campfire...
i need sitting outside, bare feet, clear skies...
i need camp already, great scot...
i need to live somewhere i can have 'camp' all the time...
and far enough away from people that i don't have to be shy about people seeing me in the 'introvert corner' nature provides.
*sigh*
it's amazing how you can find yourself synonymous with what surrounds you...
you don't really remember how much you love it until you experience it again...
and then you would give anything to be outside with it...
haha, like the weekends last summer when i cleaned all the cars in our driveway just so i could be outside...
but the cool air seems to have more life in it...
suppose it's fresh and new, beautiful and breezy...
*sigh*
i do feel that You had all of that in mind when you created me, Lord...
haha, indeed.
but how is it that i can be so awkward when trying to be myself with others around...
they're different people.
the same but different aspects, really.
i suppose that's true for everyone.
however while i'm sitting in my dorm by myself, when i'm left to my own thoughts eating alone at lunch, i can be myself...
You know what You're doing when you place people in this world.
haha, I've said before that i don't say anything new, remember?
i wonder if other people know Your sarcastic humor.
You know Lord, i often find it difficult to explain myself to people...
'a poet can withstand anything except a misprint'
indeed...
i mean, when i say 'i haven't really ever gotten anything out of chapel...' or 'i don't really feel worshipful with worship music...' or 'i don't like K-LOVE'
...kind of hard to explain myself without me sounding like a hard-shelled unfeeling person.
...i am hard-shelled...
but i suppose the inside cannot learn to exist on the outside.
does it fear a 'misprint' or is it just inertia?
regardless i suppose i should just let life and the people i meet extract or send into further seclusion certain aspects of myself and not question or think about it at all.
...yeah, You're laughing now, aren't You?
haha, i know that You instilled in me the need to understand everything around me...
an unquenchable curiosity that wished to comprehend even the smallest of matters...
it's not analyzing to death.
it's curiosity.
logic puzzles, with the grids, now those i analyze to death and love every minute of it!\\
haha, Lord, small wonder i enjoy being by myself so often...
You keep good company.
kind of hard for anyone to compare with You for friendship...
...however there isn't anyone that cares to try anyway.
i suppose i'm just born for 'life on the edge'
...of humanity.
i'm a good person to talk to if i'm around, but not someone people seek out to talk to.
...but nature always seeks me out...
it's impossible for it not to.
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