yesterday i learned the joys of a record player...
listening to old 1940s fuzzy records and singing along to a rousing number from 1946 that makes you smile as you organize.
haha, skipping along to fox trots and laughing at an old count baise tune...
that 'richard' tune was kind of scratchy at the beginning but it's fun, love it, haha!
yesterday consisted of listening to NPR, my favorite podcast, and old records...
and of course volunteering at vacation Bible school.
i'm the sheriff; wonderful excuse to dress up in my western duds and feel like i should be riding a horse...
i want outside...
the downside to feeling life so vividly is that you can't stand it when you lack it...
you thrive on clarity, life, pain, beauty, rain...
but you can't always have that.
any of it.
'life's as interesting as you make it'
but it's sometimes difficult to make your life anything other than what you're given.
take that and form it.
other than that...
haha, and yet i wouldn't trade who i am for anything...
forget the heat, i'm going to go run around in the grass barefoot.
then the 100 push-ups...
okay, 100 may be hard, i'll do two sets of 50.
then leg cranks.
complete with squat-jumps.
...and then listen to more vinyl.
you know, i'm not sure why that whole thing with the guy that i dated still bothers me.
yeah i never want to see the jerk again and he's the only person i'll probably ever deem a 'jerk'
(...i'm pathetic. what can i say. just look at the scar, i have a right.)
...but there are hundreds of campers that love me.
mentally disabled people that know who i am and run to hug me when they see me at camp.
campers that will do that dance moves i taught them...
shy kids that i got to come out of their shell with flying colors...
boys that 'hate girls' and then i end up being their favorite counselor and prove to them that girls can be cool
i'm 'lindsay the assasin' when it comes to basketball in the pool
my favorite people have said that i'm one of their favorite people (...i'm not supposed to know that, haha!)
the head of the fine arts department gave me a noogie. (that's a good thing...)
and my jr/sr music friends say that i'm 'a beast'
...why do i care that the knife in my back gets twisted?
i bleed profusely, a camper points it out, and i just shrug and wipe it off.
i run until i almost pass out.
i ran until my team mates forced me off the track because of the pain i was in.
i was awarded the character trait 'perseverance' when i was in cross country.
the outstanding senior girl award that i received for just being me.
the people that think i'm different just from meeting me.
that one time in vacation Bible school years ago when i got a science kit for an award because i was an outstanding kid.
just remembered that.
i didn't understand; everyone else got awards like that, i was never noticed. this was ten years ago and i just now remembered why i got it... i really thought it was a mistake.
why does the wound hurt so much?
i suppose salt and a few jerks of a serrated knife hurt anyone.
but i can just wince and move on.
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