thunder in the distance...

some people at my church have to sell their land...
acres and acres of fields, ponds, orchards...


they're about 70 and are moving into town...
he's having health issues.


driving home the sunset was beautiful, kansas never lets me down.


i would give anything to have a porch with a swing facing west...


just watching the sun go down...


but then once you get to a certain age you have to give that up.
i can't imagine having that slip through your fingers...
my great grandparents had to give up their farm...
i wonder how many generations it had been in the family for...
well, not my family, my great-aunt's husband's family.
they raised my grandpa after the train wreck that took both of his parents and nearly killed him.
i have quite a history of tragic happenings in my line...
orphan being brought up by a harsh aunt and uncle with her only solace piano lessons on one side, the other side nearly dying in a wreck and the aunt that raised him was kicked out of her house by her step-mom at age 12 because her step-mom didn't like her.


anyhow.


sunset.
please.




random:
i never liked that that guy i dated several months ago always looked at me instead of things like the sunset. or snow.
...or whatever we were watching on tv for that matter.
yet as for everything... he never understood.
glad he didn't.


random:
i really just want to go run around in the grass outside...
50% chance of thunderstorms!
*skips about merrily*


Lord, have i mentioned how wonderful life feels?
i mean in the past five minutes?
no?
well i love the feel of grass as it grows...
the feel of life in every leaf of a green tree...


...and i ache with the ground as things die in the heat, cringe as the foliage snaps under my feet...


and i feel as dusty as my surroundings.


hmm.


yet i wouldn't have it any other way.



-edit 11:29pm-
*sigh*
as the thunder rolls constantly...
Lord, i love it so...
nature, the flash of lightening, the rain, storms, the feel of spring...


and i'm writing myself into a metaphor once again.


love this quote:

“There are so many hammocks to catch you if you fall, so many laws to keep you from experience. All these cities I have been in the last few weeks make me fully understand the cozy, stifling state in which most people pass through life. I don't want to pass through life like a smooth plane ride. All you do is get to breathe and copulate and finally die. I don't want to go with the smooth skin and the calm brow. I hope I end up a blithering idiot cursing the sun - hallucinating, screaming, giving obscene and inane lectures on street corners and public parks. People will walk by and say, "Look at that drooling idiot. What a basket case." I will turn and say to them "It is you who are the basket case. For every moment you hated your job, cursed your wife and sold yourself to a dream that you didn't even conceive. For the times your soul screamed yes and you said no. For all of that. For your self-torture, I see the glowing eyes of the sun! The air talks to me! I am at all times!" And maybe, the passers by will drop a coin into my cup.” 


i see the glowing eyes of the sun...


the air talks to me...


i talk to the the gleaming figure of orion...


i am at all times...




the person that gave that quote is a tatooed up punk singer that assaulted audience members, was in several 'Jackass' movies and has differing views from me.
just pointing out that he's not the typical Aldous Huxley kind of author that I quote.


i agree strongly with this quote, or at least this quote from my point of view.


Lord, have i thanked you profusely for making me that way that i am?
i mean in the past five minutes or so?
because i should.




rain...


i love falling asleep to thunderstorms.