i miss Ingrid.

*random
a friend i would act in community plays with is somewhat of a survival expert,
he was on this show on discovery channel where a group of people live like cavemen for ten days.
very interesting and fun to see someone i know on tv...


18,000 minutes shot and put down to 90.
crazy...
knowing what a level-headed and good man he is i wish i could have seen more of his perspective; he was probably a wonderful witness to them all.


as i watched them attack and kill an elk, i found it interesting how they took it.
one person was a hunter; he hunts all the time.
but they were with the animal for some time before it died.
look it in the eye while throwing the last blow while it was on the ground.
heard the gases rushing from the lungs.
saw what they had done and stroked it as it lay there taking its last breaths.
the guy said it was one of the definitive experiences of his life.


i'm not certain i would ever find it in myself to kill something.
if i were a real caveman then it would be a matter of survival...
but i feel a pang of melancholy when i pick a flower.
i mourn for birds that have fallen out of their nests and move them away from the ants that are eating them alive, feeling sorry that i cannot do anything.


i have another friend that enjoys to hunt, but not necessarily the killing.
he is a skilled bow-hunter  and thinks it's more sporting to use a bow.
i can agree with that, then again i haven't gone hunting.
the extent of me killing things are bugs and running over a mouse once.
poor mouse.
then again, there was that one night when my cat snowball...
well, she weighed less than four pounds when she showed up at our door.
a few weeks later she was playing with something in the middle of my room.
getting annoyed with her, i went over in the dark to pick it up.
...
freaked out, i turned on the light.
didn't have my glasses on.
picked it up to see what it was.
it was a still-born kitten.


yeesh...


i would like to protect life...
i even save spiders and bugs when i get the chance.


for example, Ingrid.
the very large spider i spent fifteen minutes saving in the bathhouse one day.
i dropped a trash can on her in hopes of killing her.
after seeing her walk away shaking one leg painfully...
i decided i would save her.


i'm a bit crazy.


but i like it that way.


backstage today i was whispering and dancing along to songs from a musical i enjoy.
the girl next to me laughed and whispered that i was a nut.
i can accept that.
i enjoy it quite a bit indeed.


*random
the perfect time to take your shower could be when your room mate is whispering into her phone about how she hasn't been happy lately...
and when she's on the verge of tears while talking on the phone...

i think i'll step back and give her some time.
and hope she'll be okay.

maybe if i put her stuffed bear in a funny position like i do from time to time it will make her smile...