you know, i don't quite like my demeanor while i am simply a social actor.
at all.
never have.
it's like...
i don't know.
all the qualities of me without the same effect... i think...
often my 'social acting' can be quite genuine, however whenever i'm incredibly upset or having a bad day it becomes too forced...
at anyrate, while i do accept, appreciate, and embrace who i am...
there are quite a lot of times i don't like myself or how i act.
ah well.
i don't like how often i talk about myself on this blog.
well, i suppose in review of last week and my reactions it's understandable.
and since most of my frustration tends to be about myself...
it only makes sense.
i have a dinner date with one of my 'freshman mentors,' she's nice, but i shall be social acting. i know she means well, but she's also one of the people that wanted to talk to me simply because my boyfriend and i broke up last week. aside from that i'm not the kind of person that can just spill to everyone and everyone... unless it has just happened, yesterday. but still. couldn't do that. i barely know her... and just... perhaps the other mentor woudl understand. yet all the same, i shall be a stoic, strong, INTJ and not let out the small, INFP with strong INTJ tendencies that wears her jacket and pulls her sleeves over her hands to make an attempt at a portable introvert corner that speaks quietly and shows more wen i'm in pain... but the INTJ says that's not alright, and ignores the INFP.
but i like the small, shy me that tries to hide, tugs her sleeves over her hands, that may get uncomfortable but just isn't used to things, that likes to curl up in a blanket with a pillow and think about life, read anne of green gables on a rainy day on a bench outside, have a warm cup of soup to hold onto, has a stuffed cow to hold when she's happy... or not... or is carried off in a spring breeze... the one that finds their eyes shining at the sight of snow or a red leaf in a clear, frozen puddle...
i just can't be that right now or i'll never let this all go.
and aside from that, the small, shy me that can't quite let things out... well, not everyone likes it like i do. and when that happens i start turning to more social acting... it takes me long enough to be comfortable enough for the small shy one anyhow...
i also tend to act that way when i'm not strong enough to show a strong persona. i'm quiet. and... *sigh* quiet demeanor indeed.
i wonder how many people of the world are simply social actors... what they hide... if they hide...
if they wonder about other people...
perhaps so much of my observation is why i tend to read people... unless they are forcibly trying not to be read, or are simply good actors.
at anyrate.
"INTJs are able to leave relationships when they're over, and get on with their lives. They believe that this is the right thing to do. They may have more difficulty accomplishing the task than they like to exhibit to other people."
you've got that right.
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