someone i know on facebook (odd, you add people 'as a friend' even if you hardly know them. anyhow...) had this on their status; "the first step into getting what you want out of life-decide what you want....hmmm...." don't get me wrong, it's wonderful that whoever it is is thinking about such things (given it was meant and not a random thing put on the status)yet what do we want out of life?
maybe it's just the way the statement was worded that made me begin to think (well, actually, when it's late at night and i am in a certain mood i will probably ramble on anything. literally. i can look at a bug on the floor, and begin to think about if they feel any purpose in what they are doing, what purpose if any that i am feeling, what others think is their purpose, if there is a reason for... well, you get the picture. why can i never stay with one topic...)
i just deleted a LOT of this post and have decided to rewrite it from here on. why? well, it got too noncensical for comfort. my friend laura was right, i do tend to downplay what i think too much... i've gotten much to used to people not caring about what i say that even i began to not care... i hope that blogging will help. yet this is onluy my second post, i can't expect improvement yet... besically, i had a lot of typing and too much negative. the negative was not about the topic. it was just about me. sadly. ah well.
moving on...
life to me is a wonderful thing. truly being alive is one of the best gifts ever, yet i don't really think that it can be lived to the fulledt when lived for yourself... i'm the sort of person that believes in living for God, maybe you don't agree, yet it's hard not to agree with what God says to live for: others. have you ever seen the smile on the face of someone yuou've helped? maybe it is selfish to live for others, that feeling can be addicting. i helped an elderly lady that i didn't even know over to a wall a week ago because she was tired and wanted to lean on something other than her cane, she said i had made her day, that smile made my week.
why people don't care to help others is beyond me... things are probably going on that i don't understand, and everyone has a different story... ever wander around some days and wonder what various people are like? what their story is, where they are going, whether they are happy with life or are searching for something more... i suppose that is a ramble for another day.
i once saw several binders all with "i <3 me!" scribbled all over them. i began thinking of what kind of culture we live in where people just throw out such sayings, and draw them all over everything. maybe i was just jealous because i didn't love myself. it seems that the "i <3 me!" idea is taking over the "excuse me, may i help you?" idea of serving others. yet nevertheless, it got me to thinking: i wonder what people think while they write such things? do they really think about what they are writing means? wouldn't that be a horrible mindset to be increadibly me-centric? of course, i was bored in algebra III class. naturally, my mind takes ANY opportunity to wander despite how hard i try to keep it focused on the oh-so-wonderful world of theories about figures representing nothing. so my thoughts were bound to get ridiculous.
for me, it's not a matter of finding out what i want. it's a matter of A) finding what God wants of me and B) doing what i can to serve others in the process and after i find what i should do with my life. were i to put such things on my status (i... don't. my mom is on facebook. and i tend to hide the thinking side of me from her. i don't really know why...) i would put "lindsay is trying to find what God plans to produce from her life"
for many others, they have life and their reaction is 'what do we do with it?' i wonder at people who have figured out what to do with their life so early! they have over half a century to plan, and i am a junior in high school... and am the only person i know in my class that is undecided in a college. or a major. or a profession. "let go and let God," right?
it bothers me how some people throw life around as if it were a game, a 'whoever dies with the most stuff wins' sort of thing. Can't we just live our lives in such a way that when it's almost done, we can sit down and think of years past, of all of the lives that we have helped, of all of the smiles that we have seen, and of what's to come.
for some reason that last sentance makes me want to find an absurdly green place in the country in the spring and sit on a porch swing. all day. on a cloudy day. the kind after a storm, all days after a storm are wonderful, yet i think a specific day that i remmber is perfect... a wonderul clear morning with a few clouds to create amazing colors while watching the stars dissapear, watching the clouds take shape all day, not just any clouds, the kind that look... real. like they are popping out of the sky at you, beggin you to jump up and reach for them. then evening... brilliant colors. a fiery orange sky. the stars will begin to shine thgough the orange, and before you know it the clouds give way to a clear starry sky.
have i meantioned that i love kansas weather?
that would be a perfect day to contemplate how my life went...
and now i would like a porch swing on the front porch of a house in the country.
one can always dream, right?
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