hello adult world, you're confusing.

college really becomes a point of life that limits you.


a lot.


before then you have the option to study anything.


...in the process of studying, you're limited to what you're studying.




and then there's the random voice in my head that says 'when ____ went to the academy of dramatic arts, you should have hitched a ride. learn to use the tools you were given, that expressive face and ridiculously everything speaking and singing voice needs refined. use it!'

but then rationality says 'you're not that great.'
...but the tools are there.
however it's eliminating another option by choosing not to learn how to use them, like when I stopped taking history classes. when i stopped taking science classes. 
ruling out options, and the clock is ticking.


what do i want?


do i know and am afraid to grasp?


is it just that i don't have anyone to egg me on in the direction my heart wants to go?


is the fear of arrogance keeping me back?


anyhow, that's one random tangent. 






speaking of random tangents, this is Thanksgiving.


among the myriad of thoughts i had today, there was one thread of remembering how this time last year i was texting my best guy friend and desperately hoping he didn't like me.


well, at least that's all over, and i can end my day with a smile...


and i'm still ridiculously confused.


i don't know.


i don't need to make much money, but... what?


And Lord, You're not helping a lot, You know that?


...


point taken.


but just because you have told me that all my life doesn't mean that playing in jazz band and a few plays isn't the manifestation of that.


...don't look at me like that!