calm and still...
people in theory class today described the weather as dreary, yet even though it may appear so that does not mean it feels as such.
just step outside and breathe in the air...
feel it.
listen to it.
it's far from dreary.
and yet again, i find myself in it.
it's hard to want anything outside of what God gives you when you feel the wind brush your cheek as you walk along outside, you calm down and close your eyes as it envelops you...
the dewy skeletons of the trees looks like delicate silver under the streetlight...
it's not dreary, it's the earth accepting winter.
...i'm not depressed, i'm the mind accepting pain.
sometimes people get it all mixed up.
looking at life from a different aspect does not mean you're depressing.
i recall loaning a book called 'the orphaned anything's' to the guy i had dated.
he loved it even though most of it, or the beginning at least, was 'depressing'
i found this odd, the book followed my train of thought and i had never thought of it as depressing.
i explained this or something like that in a few sentences, and he said "You're a remarkable woman, Miss Lindsay."
i beg to differ,
i'm quite simply alive.
...then again, perhaps that's remarkable.
to counter-act that depressing state, or whatever it is, my mind likes to bring joy to everyone.
share a bit of the life that i've learned without the pain it took to learn it.
make friends laugh.
make lives smile.
...i love when i smile when i make others smile, when i'm not hurt and smiling at the same time.
then again, that portion of me is somewhat numb i think.
such is life.
bright.
vibrant.
...numb.
and yet not.
all at the same time...
ha, a song in choir that mentions how Jesus will 'Dash in pieces princes and nations' reminded me of how someone so loving, perfect, and wise... can also be strong and fierce. terrifying and terrible, if you understand my use of the word.
...perhaps i can relate, except He keeps the balance perfect.
i'm getting there... i'm getting there.
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