as i sit here on the edge of my bed my hands tingle with pain where blisters shall form from mopping the bath house; the hardest thing to clean at camp. i can still feel the brush to scrub and the squeegee used to push all of the water out; an hour-long affair. i swept out half the a-frames. dry-mopped our largest cabin. swept and mopped a smaller cabin.
trying to get up i realize again how sore i am from one too many 'races' in the pool where the 3/4th graders, none of whom were in my camp, would swarm to me to compete against. i let them swim halfway across the width of the pool. then swam and beat them, leaving them in a wave of giggles.
the shoulder muscles of my arms still remember the little girl with bright brown eyes that reminded me of the black eyes of the green tree frogs i caught in the bath house several times a day, i've never seen more beautiful brown eyes. running up to me she would hug me tight and look straight up; her chin then resting on my stomach. 'hug me back Lindsay! Pick me up and swing me like you did the other day! sit with me! sing with me!'
no matter how tired i was i put out extra effort to make her smile; she wasn't even in my camp.
my stiff legs betray me as i attempt to get up because of the 'let's see who can kick the longest!' contests the same small campers wished to have.
perhaps i swam one too many night swims.
or too much playing 'zombie mermaids' with the 3/4th graders.
i feel my achy back that wishes to know why i had to let that other counselor store her stuff in my backpack; it also says i should have refused horse camp since the cabin is a mile away from the dining hall.
tired eyes look for sleep and my search for information on school payments disappoint them.
hearing the crickets outside my mind taunts me with the smell of fresh air and a whiff of a cool breeze; yet days of comforting the most homesick camper i have ever had; feeling nauseous for no real reason; and trying to not feel slighted because of my friend who's only been at camp two years now getting program director leaves it on the brink of stasis.
i kick some cds and various other things that clutter up my room out of the way; flinching as i realize that i may have just damaged my antique books. i nudge the rest of the mess on my floor and look about my train-wreck of a room despairingly...
my mind grows cluttered and i lay down on my bed...
unfortunatly the mattress is so old my back will hurt in the morning; no solace to be found in sleep.
i have so much to do...
my acne pains me and a coldsore is looming on the horizon; ready to swoop in as soon as i cease applying medication.
my body reminds me of the hundred degree weather that i have been in all week and demands more water.
sorry ian, i won't make it to your swim meet.
...i'm sorry i let you down.
maybe i'll be there for one heat...
i hope more members of the church are there...
*sigh*
that kid needs all the family he can get.
such a long week.
i deserve a good long rest...
*sigh*
genuinely not looking forward to sleeping on this bed.
am too tired to switch the sheets around...
*sigh*
i enjoy working hard.
earning what little i do make.
i didn't mind cleaning the bath house.
it was work.
i liked actually working...
so tired.
been looking at how to pay off student loans all evening... trying to settle my schedules changes...
being yelled at for not looking into things sooner.
that's my own stupid fault.
but why i wait until i'm ready to collapse to do this is beyond me.
ha, this week a camper told me that when i sing it's like carrie underwood times ten.
i suppose i have a voice but that's a bit far.
then again i probably would never quite think my voice is that great.
hmm.
and now to rest...
...after shower, i haven't even changed and i've been drenched in sweat.
...i'm going to have nutella first.
mmm, nutella, strawberry jam, multigrain bread...
wish i had milk, i practically chugged that last quarter gallon we had as soon as i got home...
monday i didn't have much appetite and was shaky all day, need to eat more when i'm out working...
i'm sorry ian; i put all my energy into camp, i'm sorry... please swim well...
i've been rather hard on myself this week.
*sigh*
i've been dragging yet i still put out my best; and the lessons i gave this week were actually quite good even in my own eyes...
i still danced crazily with campers...
gave them good life advice...
even when i'm tired i live.
*sigh*
thank you for that one walk Lord, i needed a mile to myself.
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