i keep thinking 'i can look at the stars when i go to take care of the dogs, talk to God and my dogs...'
and then i remember...
i know that i said goodbye to sydney at least...
but i suppose that i cannot comprehend them being gone.
today was okay, however mom saying 'i'm telling you no, it will not work!' with 'no' being in that terrible tone... great scot why that tone... when i tried to put the tub i'm using for camp in the cart and pack the groceries in it...
...
well things were going okay.
i even talked about hockey in front of her yesterday and she didn't bring up the jer...
didn't bring him up.
great scot lindsay, stay away from 'normal' human behavior...
at anyrate, that kind of killed the roll i was on and made my body realize my weariness.
well, that and her telling me to try stuff on i didn't even like, i felt so negative saying 'no, i don't like that. no, i still don't like that. no, i'm not trying it on i don't like it!'
great scot, i know my swim suit is getting worn out but it's not a dire situation and i told her that i didn't like what that store normally has anyway...
i felt terribly negative and picky...
agh, and now aswell...
she does realize that when she yells it makes it sound like she's mad, right?
great scot, freakin stop it, i'm dead at the moment and i don't need to hear that, my mind is ravaged and i'm trying to ignore the knife in my back, i'm tired, my arm has some ridiculous weird pain that's numbing right below my elbow and a few of my fingers, my eyes are weary, two of my favorite people in the entire world were heartlessly torn from the camp they love and hold dear and i will probably never see them again and the product of moving home from college and then going to europe for three weeks is the biggest mess my room has ever seen and it's freakin DRIVING ME INSANE.
so please,
PLEASE,
do not yell at, criticize, demean, or insult me.
must clean room...
this ridiculous mess is permeating the mind...
time to have some nutella with rasberry jam.
and a tall glass of milk...
calm down...
relax...
go watch another new phineas and ferb...
and don't listen to your mom.
*sigh*
one of the wranglers, a counselor turned wrangler that was my first counselor, said 'lindsay lindsay' on thursday.
...
made me miss the old site director.
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