dusty boots and personality hybrid roots...

camp people...

camp...

love camp.

more than college, i don't want to go back...

and really...

great scot, being surrounded by my kind of people makes me realize how terribly wrong for me that guy was.

and these people would not have approved.

...okay, so i never fully approved either.

perhaps that's part of why it hit me so hard?

random:

driving down a country highway, arm against the window, looking down at your dusty bootcut levi jeans stuffed into your worn riding boots is...

ridiculously satisfying.

i love midwest, i love kansas.

counselor i worked with last week has been to 49 states and different countries, and he thinks the midwest is the best place to live, great place to be from and then to visit elsewhere.

i agree, even if i doubt i shall ever be able to visit elsewhere.

i went to germany and loved it...

but...

kansas is home.

i could be home in germany,

and perhaps it's naive to think so but i choose kansas.

however germany has a good deal of midwest US spirit in it.

living there would be nice...

yes, i could do that, would do that if i knew the language...

so really, i think the week i looked back on the past few months with a 

'???'

expression.

seems like school never happened.

i'm back at camp.

'why did i really like him and how didn't i see that he wasn't my kind of people...'

...

'oh wait i did... and i went out with him anyway. stupid.'

and i like not blogging at the end of every day.

i like being outside all day.

i like not having air conditioning and walking everywhere.

i like talking to God when i walk alone at camp.

i like deconstructing my thoughts to the stars.

even if they're not recorded.

and quite frankly the camp self i find me in cannot understand how something like that cut me so deep...

it rubs the scars, looks at the sky, and wonders at how or why...

but moves on.

and wishes to forget the hand that held the knife.

it realizes that constant compliments and praise just...

don't fit.

but a supportive camp family does.

earned compliments please, not a shower.

wonder what in the world i'm supposed to do with my life...

i love music, i enjoy graphic design, i get ridiculously happy when i see that i'm driving through a small town on a kansas highway and while wearing riding boots, and i want to travel all over.

...

for now, i shall lazily lock my truck with my camp stuff in it and go to bed.

...

i think my soprano is better than my tenor.

singing that style at least.

and people at camp noticed my voice got 10x better than last summer and last summer it was good...

...

i want to do something with it and lack any resources, other than voice lessons.


at anyrate, i love feeling my shoulder muscles get stronger from hoisting my leather saddle onto the tallest (and most beautiful) camp horse every day.
being hot and sweaty and it not mattering if my clothes get dirty.
haha, finding a mouse giving birth on one saddle was interesting to say the least...
lover being outside, doing real work, interacting with campers, being tired at the end of the day.
so much.