set aside

-added on sunday to post-
you know, the Orphaned Anything's is one of my favorite books. the main charachter, Ayden, is set aside. he truely is. i'm not quite like that anymore, quite frankly it's odd not to be so... yet when you are set aside from the world and society, left to be a spectator, you become quite thouroughly disillusioned with it.
once you find yourself not set aside... the mindset seems to persist because after so long that's who you are.

did this friday... didn't post it. not happy with it. i'll trample my perfectionism and post it. a lot of good rambles have been forgotten because if they don't sound right the first time i forget about them...

so.

i'm sitting here in my dorm alone, as usual. i may be too busy to breathe during the day, yet in the evening my room mate is off doing stuff with my/her friends, i'm never there for planning, so i'm left here. when i'm around for planning, i'm not included and i never include myself unless asked.

so.

here i sit.

jsut thought you would like to know.

i find it odd that several people find themselves like this and assume that nobody likes them, they did somethign wrong, etc. my facebook feed is filled with frustrated people who are alone, or perhaps complaining that they will have to part with their dearly beloved cell phone for a time.

why?

is being alone for a time really and idea that far from our culture?

reminds me of a ray bradbury story where in the future people are in constant communication with one another, listening to radio shows, listening to music, talking to several people, and all at one time and even during work! then one man is being held in custody because he had finally had enough of the constant hum and buzz and people wanting to know where he was without really caring, he smashed his communication devices and was taken for mad. yet what they gave him was what he wanted- a quiet room. silence. the culture in the story did not value silence or being by one's self, and indeed looked DOWN on it with contempt. or perhaps just... misunderstanding.

you know, everyone talking about being by yourself negatively begins to frustrate me. not because i don't agree with them, they can believe as they like, yet because it's rubbing off on me.

the perception that if you're not out doing things with your friends and if you're used to being alone is making me think that there's something wrong with being by yourself.

that being said, i do accept the fact that no matter where i am or who i'm with i manage to find myself on the edge... even with others i'm by myself. sometimes this is okay. (yet it can be akward at times... may as well be on my own instead of alone in the sight of others. wonder why that is...)

i apologize, by the way, to anyone who reads this. it's not profound. just my current frustration.

phrase/song running through my head today...
"revolution's not easy with a civil war on the inside..."