this is from july of 2008... before this blog i think... i was in st. louis with my cousins
so my two cousins and i went to the zoo. lovely weather, warm with a cool rain that somehow evaded the stereotypical humidity. and wouldn't you know, my cousin out in a deathklok cd. (i am not quite sure if i mis-spelled that word correctly...) so i was sitting there thinking, with a low-grumble of a voice singing about killing mermaids and how it didn't leave fingerprints and mermaids killing and whatever, with the music being nice, however if put to piano would be fit to play at a funeral. i was a bit amused, although why killing mermaids is appealing music i beyond me... i looked out the window, and after a song about who knows what (i could decipher it, but awaken what? huh? you're the father of demons and ? why do i care?) there was one. something about returning to the water, live in the water, die in the water. 'die' was a popular world. and for some odd reason one question came to mind: why do they live?
it really startled me a bit, because well, i don't know the answer. is that something you can know? anyhow, why do they live if they sing about killing mermaids and death? what? how is that living? i wonder if i use the word 'live' as in doing more that eating and breathing. it makes you wonder what their lives are like if the only songs they can come up with are about dying in water and killing mermaids. and then i wondered if 'what do you live for' and 'why do you live' could be interchangeable questions... yes and no, or so i think. i mean, you could take 'why do you live' literaly in two senses. one: you're breathing, and two: well, you're breathing, you're not simply taking in oxygen, you're taking in life. 'what do you live for' would be what you live for doing... or having... some people live for things, and live to get more. and friendships to them may be considered posessions, either that or the 'friendship' is based on... well, nothing. i can't get my thoughts out too increadibly straight. osme live for... well, i'm not sure. i live to see what happens. i suppose life has a certain amount of suspense that keeps you haging on, anticpating every chapter because you're the charachter in the book and you don't know what happens. and yet to do this you have to have trust in God, or you're writing it yourself. let's face it, no matter how good of an author you may be, you cannot write your own story.
yeah, this is rambling.
i wonder what make life so... what's the word... enamoring? hmm, i don't know. perhaps 'intoxicating' seems to fit. take it in doses or you're infatuated beyond hope. haha, 'dreams are so intoxicating, when you're doing this alone...'
i'm probably making sense quivalent to zero, yet i'm getting better at putting my thought out
huh... i recall also seeing these large houses in st. louis today. wonder why they live and what for...
i leave for home tomorrow it was a nice vacation in st. louis, pity it did not last longer. but i suppose vacations would not be as appreciated if you were always on one...
ever wonder what makes a house a home?
my house isn't a home.
at least my room is. i may be able to hear everything going on outside and inside, yet i'm not in it. and i do kinda grow agitated when the problems go into my home.
then again, home for me is everywhere i am myself.
i had a good ramble at the end of that day.
what do i live for?
or is my life being spent finding that out while unknowingly living for that purpose?
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